When you are a part of a profession that is heavily rooted in tradition, it’s hard to step away from the classic way that you’ve always done things. Funeral professionals know this, perhaps better than anyone.

We try to help families find comfort and healing through a service filled with meaningful traditions… a spiritual hymn that brings the emotion of the moment to life, a beautiful scripture that helps the family find closure, and a religious service that aims to give peace to the end of their loved one’s life.

For many traditionalists, death goes hand-in-hand with religion. They view dying as something that is bigger than the act; it’s part of a journey that’s bigger than ourselves. So when it comes time to plan a funeral, there’s no question of whether or not the service will be religious.

However, today’s new generation of families couldn’t be more different. To them, a religious funeral service is just one option of many, and many consumers prefer a life celebration over the traditional religious ceremony. Unfortunately, not all funeral professionals have seen the light (pun intended) and have made the adjustments necessary to please this new generation of families.

The Grave Error Funeral Directors Make About Religion

While at NCFDA, speaking about how funeral professionals can up their funeral service game, Doug Gober shared a situation that a lot of us have observed many times… A family walks into a funeral home to begin planning a service for their loved one. When the funeral director asks who their minister is going to be, they say, “Well… Mom wasn’t particularly religious…” And what does the funeral director say in response? “Oh, that’s okay! I know a clergy member who will be perfect and can step in and give the service.”

Sure, the funeral director means well. But what they are really saying is, “I don’t care that you’re not religious. Today you’re going to be! And we will put you in the chapel that looks just like a church, and come up with a beautiful prayer to tie the whole thing together.”

What many funeral professional don’t realize is that not all families want a funeral service that is particularly religious. In fact, many want just the opposite. Just look at these surprising facts:

•  50% of Americans today say they don’t belong to a church and don’t see the value in a religious service. (Source)
•  The amount of adults that describe themselves as Christians has dropped from 78.4% to 70.6% in just 7 years. (Source)
•  Over the same period, the percentage of Americans who are religiously unaffiliated – describing themselves as atheist, agnostic or “nothing in particular” – has jumped from 16.1% to 22.8%. (Source)
•  27% of surveyed people said that, when they die, they don’t expect to have a religious service. (Source)

As they say, a great funeral occurs when the family has been reflected in the service. And if the numbers above are any indication, that means it may be time for your funeral home to begin putting the hymn books aside and start thinking of how you can create a powerful, meaningful funeral service without religion.

How To Honor And Celebrate Life In A Non-Religious Way

Just because a person is religious, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t spiritual or do not want the same meaningful service that is given to other families. However, one reason why even spiritual families are straying away from a religious service is because of the impersonal, “cookie cutter” nature that many of these services have. Modern families want to focus more on the life that was lived, rather than the religious beliefs that surround death and the afterlife.

“I kept thinking, why don’t they talk more about her? She was alive for almost a century, there must be something better to talk about than this,” reflected one funeral guest, who had attended a funeral where the focus was on religion, rather than the loved one.

So how can funeral directors step up and create a meaningful service for their non-religious families? Here are a few good places to start:

#1. Have A Funeral Celebrant Available To Your Families

A funeral celebrant’s mission is to create a beautiful ceremony for families that reflect their wishes, beliefs, cultural background and values, while also bringing people together to celebrate the life lived. Whether a family is religious or non-religious, a funeral celebrant will carefully craft a service that tells the full story of the loved one’s heritage, talent, loves, relationships, accomplishments and more. They paint the picture of a real person, and do so by asking pointed, yet caring questions so the deceased’s true nature is reflected.

Not only will a funeral celebrant better connect non-religious people to you and your funeral home, but they will also provide all families with a better service experience. “It’s been found that Celebrant-led services lead to increased customer satisfaction, with families finding them considerably more personal than other funerals they have attended,” according to ICCFA.

#2. Use Elements Of A Person’s Life To Create The Service

Just because you may be taking the prayers, hymns and religion out of a service, that doesn’t mean that you are left with no substance or powerful symbolism. Instead, take the opportunity to speak one-on-one with the family and truly learn about the person you are hosting a funeral for. Did they have a favorite song? A favorite poem? A favorite book? Use the answers that you find to build a beautiful service that uses personal elements and rituals to honor their life.

Here’s one great example of how a non-religious funeral was still powerful for one commenter:

“We did [a non-religious funeral] for our dad. No pastor or any talk of God or the afterlife. It was just my step-mom, mom, his best friend, and a few others talking about his life. I probably learned more about my dad’s past that day than any other time during my 23 years. We played songs he wrote and sung, and I picked out a few of his favorite tracks to play. Vienna, The Bewlay Brothers, Into the Mystic, and Me and Ms. Jones. One of his old music buddy’s mentioned that it was just like him to have David Bowie play at his funeral. I almost broke down completely when I heard him say that. He died suddenly so we had no idea what he would have wanted, but I’m glad so many of those who were close to him felt it was fitting. If we had gone with some religious ceremony, I don’t think I would have had the same closure.”

#3. Use Powerful Symbols Or Gestures To Honor The Life Lived

There are many significant, meaningful traditions that can help to honor a person’s life that are not rooted in religion. For instance, lighting a candle in someones memory, or giving a toast to the loved ones who are no longer with us. Use one of these powerful traditions to close out your service and unite everyone at the funeral in the love and remembrance of the deceased.

You could also take this idea a step further and encourage your families to hold the funeral in a place that is their own version of church – a place that is sacred to them and holds great meaning. Maybe it’s a park that their family visited together, or a service held next to Dad’s favorite fishing spot. You don’t have to be religious to feel a certain connection or energy in a place that is deeply rooted in memory, and these places often make the best locations for remembrance.

#4. Let Photos and Videos Tell The Story

One aspect of a funeral service that families love, whether they are religious or not, is remembering their loved one through photos and videos. Memorial Tribute Videos especially are a great way to bring back memories for the family, laugh and cry over the meaningful moments in a person’s life, and really help families begin the healing process. Plus, what is more personalized to a person’s life than their own photos that tell their true story from start to finish?

You can further personalize Memorial Videos for your families by adding in custom music that represents the loved one, and creating a theme around the video that pays tribute to their hobbies, interests or life story. For instance, with our Life Tributes software, you can choose a beautiful fishing theme to honor a Dad, a powerful Veteran’s theme that honors the military members in your families’ lives, or even a growing remembrance tree that reflects on the family as a whole. These simple personalization gestures go a long way towards making each video and service feel completely custom and special to the family you are serving.

To learn more about Life Tributes and how you can create powerful videos that will help honor and memorialize a life lived, click here.

What are some of your best personalization tips for non-religious funeral services? Do you use a funeral celebrant, or do you let the families speak at the service? We want to hear in the comments below!

Rilee Chastain

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