Grief is a non-negotiable part of life.

What you love, you will lose

It is a reality that we must grapple with. 

Yet, as you may have noticed by the way you may have felt reading these first couple lines, this truth is not an easy one to accept.

So what can we do? What can we empower our client families, friends and community to do?

We can learn to live with grief, that’s what.

Below I offer some different practices you can use to move through grief, heal grief, and relate to grief in a new way. Check them out below:

1. First of all… stop avoiding your grief. 

No shame though! It’s all so common to store away our grief for another time in our fast-paced, productivity-based society. Yet, how simple is it to remember that what we feel, we heal. What we don’t feel, gets stored in our bodies, our subconscious mind, our emotional bodies. 

If you don’t believe me, take a look at Gabor Mate’s work. He describes the psycho-somatic (mind-body) connection between emotions and diseases and its leading the way in trauma, stress and grief research today. 

2. Ask someone to hold space for you

When you feel ready to be with your grief (you’re so courageous), and you need support… please ask. Please! Ask a friend, partner or family member you trust to hold space for you to grieve, cry, scream… whatever needs to happen. Whether it’s on the phone, via Zoom or in person, there are so many ways to feel supported by those around you.

Remember that asking for help can be a very vulnerable experience for you. It’s a challenge for many to reach out and not be so gosh darn independent all the time. However, being seen in your vulnerability is a true gift for those around you. For science-based evidence of this, check out this Ted Talk by Brene Brown:

3. Dance with your grief.

Turn on a playlist that gets you moving, and let your grief move your body in the ways it needs to. Let grief lead the way. Studies show dance helps depression, anxiety and grief. It gets any stagnant energy moving and changes your state of mine. Your body knows what it needs to do to release emotional energy. Trust it. 

4. Create an altar for your loved one

We have learned the importance of ritual when it comes to grief (if you are curious on that check out this blog). Creating an altar in your home with photos, keepsakes and memories and even the loved one’s remains is a really beautiful way to feel connected to those who have passed.

In fact, almost every single culture in the world has some specific way to create altars for their loved ones (think Dia de las Muertas). It can be as simple as lighting a candle on a side table in your home with a photo of your loved one, it doesn’t need to be complicated. If you want some ideas, check out this blog on creating a grief altar.

5. Write a letter to your loved one

When someone passes, especially unexpectedly, all of the things we wanted to share with them, we can no longer. That’s where writing a letter can be helpful. It helps you to get all the feelings and things you want to say off your chest and onto paper. You’d be surprised how much this helps. You don’t have to stop at one letter either. You can write many, for however long you need to. 

When you’re finished writing your letter you can store it, or burn it. I personally find burning the letter to be helpful because I consider fire to be the ear to spirit, and when I burn something, spirit is listening.

6. Make a grief playlist

One of my favorite ways to set a space for me to process my grief is through music. Music almost acts like a therapist in many ways. It holds us energetically and helps us, through its resonance of sounds, to feel certain emotions. 

You can create a grief playlist that has sad songs you know will help you cry. Or, you could create a playlist that could uplift you when you feel really down in the dumps too. Another idea is to create a playlist of songs that remind you of your loved one. Don’t have a music app you love to use yet? We love Spotify (no, we aren’t affiliates for it either, we just love it).

Here are some of our favorite grief playlists on Spotify:

• Coping with Grief
• The Mourning of a Loss
• Grief Playlist

Things to remember about these practices

These practices are simply suggestions, and we can’t guarantee you’ll do one and be healed forever. This isn’t how grief works. It’s a lifelong journey. Time may not heal all, but it certainly makes it easier to be with our grief as it passes. Remember to be easy on yourself and have compassion for your heart. 

We hope these practices bring you solace, hope and inspiration. And if not for you, for your client families, friends and community. 

How did these practices go? Tell us in the comments below!

If your funeral home or business is looking for a way to support those who are grieving, check out our eAftercare platform that plugs effortlessly into your funeral home website. To learn more, click here or call us at (800) 798-2575.

Krystal Penrose

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